When we first made you, you were still.

Before you were moving we felt you, we knew you.

We spoke to you, we loved you.

Then you grew and you moved.

You kicked and you turned.

You wriggled and you hiccupped.

We felt you, we knew you.

We spoke to you, we loved you.

We made plans for you.

We were excited for you.

We were ready for you.

We eagerly awaited the moment of that first cry from you.

But then you stopped moving.

You became still once again.

Yet we still felt you, we still knew you, we still spoke to you, we still loved you.

We yearned for you and hoped for you.

We prayed for you and bargained for you.

We loved you and needed you and dreamed that perhaps you would still cry.

But when you were born you were still.

Yet still our eyes saw you and they see you still.

Still our arms held you and they hold you still.

Still our voices spoke to you and they speak to you still.

Still our hearts loved you and they love you still.

Still our hearts cried for you and they cry for you still.

Tears of sadness, tears of love, tears of wishing time hadn’t stood still for you.

You are still our precious child.

We are still your parents.

With what we still have we carry on.

We still have love.

We still have you.

You are still in our hearts forever.

In memory of Flynn Carter; 17.07.2016

I felt your presence there inside of me,
nestled soft and warm;
Sweet scent of baby’s breath,
precious words left unadorned.

I saw your tiny heartbeat,
then I knew that you were fine;
A perfect baby we created,
one that would be mine.

Then that tragic day it came
there was nothing I could do,
Only wait and hope
for the precious life of you.

Yes in the beginning
your daddy was afraid;
Only he would love you unconditional
and never run away.

He loved you more this I do know,
as he cried for you that day,
When the doctor said that you were gone,
daddy wanted you to stay.

He would have held you close to him,
and see your perfect form,
A gift of daddy’s love,
would have kept you safe and warm.

Only now you are an angel over me
beautiful and bare,
My heart would hurt if you cried for me
and mommy was not there.

Still we are together in my heart and memories,
You are still a part of my memory.

Rest gentle now ‘sweet baby’ there is no pain
you are never alone,
I know you are with the guiding angels
in you peaceful home.

I will come with you someday
only now is not my time,
Then we will be together again
again you will be mine.

An empty space where life once stirred
My eyes were not yet seeing
Where once my heartbeat shared a tone
with a small and fragile being

So scarcely formed yet still a life
A dream, a hope, a promise
Our plans were changed to now include
This new life thrust upon us

Then just as quickly as it came
Our dreams were gone away
The deepest pain I’ve ever felt
Our baby died today

With footprints left upon our hearts
She gently took her leave
We’re left with nothing but regret
And only time to grieve

There was no service to be held
No mourning time required
No songs of longing and despair
No words to be inspired

We’re simply told to bare the pain
“It’s nature’s way” they say
I can’t forget our baby moved
inside me yesterday

And with each word of sorrow
my teardrops fall like rain
The anger and resentment
are mixed with guilt and pain

I look to heaven for a sign
to help search out a course
Where love can teach acceptance
and eliminate remorse

My body will accept the truth
that now our baby’s gone
But in our hearts our Angel
everlastingly lives on!

The moment that I knew you had died,
My heart split in two,
The one side filled with memories,
The other died with you.

I often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon my cheek.

Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day,
But missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart,
And there you will remain,
Life has gone on without you,
But it never will be the same.

For those who still have their children,
Treat them with tender care,
You will never know the emptiness,
As when you turn and they are not there.

Don’t tell me that you understand,
don’t tell me that you know.
Don’t tell me that I will survive,
How I will surely grow.

Don’t tell me this is just a test,
That I am truly blessed.
That I am chosen for the task,
Apart from all the rest.

Don’t come at me with answers
That can only come from me,
Don’t tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.

Don’t stand in pious judgment
Of the bonds I must untie,
Don’t tell me how to grieve,
Don’t tell me when to cry.

Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, “My friend, I care.”

Don’t let them say, I wasn’t born
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave
I’ve loved you from the start.
Although my body you can’t hold,
It doesn’t mean I’m gone.
This world was worthy, not, of me
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms
Someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was “meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes”
But that won’t soften your worst blow.
Or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do,
another child you’ll bear.
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you’ll understand.
Although, I’ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes..
That doesn’t mean I never “was”
An Angel Never Dies

I’m just a precious little one who didn’t make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I`m waiting for you here.
Many dwelling here where I live,
waited years to enter in.
Struggled through a world of sorrow,
a world marred with pain and sin.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don`t complain.
I have all Heaven’s Glory,
suffered none of earth’s great pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me.
I`d have loved to bring it fame.
But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.
So sweet family-don’t you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus’ arms
from my loving Mother’s womb.

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have wear the shoes so long that days will go by before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

When you’re feeling sad or a little blue,
Look around and you’ll see I’m here with you
I’m the bird who soars so high above
I’m the one who filled your heart with love

My daddy is a survivor too
which is no surprise to me.
He’s always been like a lighthouse
that helps you cross a stormy sea.
But, I walk with my daddy each day to lift him when he’s down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others;
He cries when no one’s around.
I watch him sit up late at night with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone, and wishes he could understand.
My daddy is like a tower of strength.
He’s the greatest of them all!
But, there are times when he needs to cry…
Please be there when he falls.
Hold his hand or pat his shoulder…
And tell him it’s OK.
Be his strength when he’s sad,
Help him mourn in his own way.
Now, as I watch over my precious dad from the Heavens up above…
I’m so proud that he’s a survivor… And, I can still feel his love.